the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Couch. On fire.
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