I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
