shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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