By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
