i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
