they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
