we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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