I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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