So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
