If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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