So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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