Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
