Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
