Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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