I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
