We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
