Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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