True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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