Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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