you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
