it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
