There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Randomize
