I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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