his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
