you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
