may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
