The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
