the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
