A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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