Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
