I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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