at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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