well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
