I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
