Only a mothe r could love this liver
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
