I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
