I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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