She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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