gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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