if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
