If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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