so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
