I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
