There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
