he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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