I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
