If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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