I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
