We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
