It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
