you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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