That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
