Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
