he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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