I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
