I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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