Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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