That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
