i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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